Little Miss Independent.

Sometimes I wonder about this, can being too independent cause more issues for someone? Can it cause them to become a different person, almost monster like? I say monster as in this raging beast that needs to do everything for themselves and pushes people away, and snarls at people that can't do small things for themselves.

Something to think about...

The only reason I've been thinking about this  lately is because of a few things. I have actually admitted to being too independent, but feel as that's a part of me it's how I get my stuff done. No one else can help me do it I don't like depending on people because sometimes they don't pull through.

The second thing is the lack of the independent woman in the house, I don't know what happened to her. I also think this is what bothers me the most and also what caused me to be the way that I am now.

Lately I have been focused on doing things for me and my future. Things like applying for scholarships, preparing myself for graduate school ( still haven't figured out if I am going to attend or not ), planning on moving out into the real world, and possibly living abroad for sometime. I've been thinking about all of this because I have a constant reminder of something else I am trying to ignore, the fading independent woman of the house.

I remember growing up and my mother had to take care of everything, because she became a single parent(kinda) when I was about 11 years old, but now I realized it has been fading from her. I'm not for sure if it's because she's older now or her ignorance. It makes me sad, she was the parent when I was growing up, and it was just me and her and occasionally my sister, but mostly me and her. Now the way things are I don't want to be bothered with her.  Over the years I have noticed what she actually cares about, and I came up with a list

My older sister, herself, me, and then my older brother.  ( I also told this to a friend I've known since the 6th grade, he told me he could totally see this. I found it hilarious...was I laughing because it slightly stung?)

I told her I was accepted into a study abroad program, her reaction?

Nothing.
Absolutely nothing.


It didn't hurt that her reaction told me that she didn't care. So then I don't care about things she's doing then. That's acceptable right? Either way that's the way it's going to be.

I remember joking with my older sister, saying that when I would move out no one would hear from me, and now the more that I think about it the more I find it to be coming true.

I guess thinking about this has made me watch myself for being too independent and realizing that others can help me, while I help them. I am iffy about this, but I know in order to change and feel better I know I gotta keep a positive outlook on things!

Aki

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